You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i drank out of a bidet.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
