sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
