I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize