Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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