It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
