Having a random hookup so left but love u
Buhtt sex?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i out mim tonsoeep
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