yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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