I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
