I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
