mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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