so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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