Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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