my sisters under your porch take her home
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
