nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
