my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
