I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she peed on how many people?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I love you.
Bad choice
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
