You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
