the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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