oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
