I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
