You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
