THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We were destined to go to rehab together
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
