just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So many bounce houses so little time
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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