she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
