thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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