I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
