I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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