I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
