i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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