So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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