Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
