In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I smell like Dick and happiness
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
