im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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