im about as happy as oj after his trial
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
