I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
