I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dicks are not precious.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
