YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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