So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
