i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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