im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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