Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
