you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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