I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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