Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
