Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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