i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
