There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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