Dual....:-)
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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