when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
