dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
