i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
