it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
