id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
