I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
