I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
