So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize