She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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