I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
