i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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