You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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