Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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