I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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