Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
