Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
