Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
