you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
