awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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