i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
