How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
