dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
