It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
