why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
