If i come over, it means nothing
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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