One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
