If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
