I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
