I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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