having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize