They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize