good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
