Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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