He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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